let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
