I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
