when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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