Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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