fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
