dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
