Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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