At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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