apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
