I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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