i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
