tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize