my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
