Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
