first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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