Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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