ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
