I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize