I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
