i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
