I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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