forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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