He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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