it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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