Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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