You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
