I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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