I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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