You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
