sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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