Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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