i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
