i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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