What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
