Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
