the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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