sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will pee on everything he values.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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