I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
