I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
