so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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