This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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