i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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