Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
