Cold hands, warm shart.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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