The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
