I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
