last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
