I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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