Don't make out with my wife yet
it was like eating out sand paper
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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