I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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