forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize