i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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