Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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