If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
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I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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