This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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