Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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