Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
