You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
