My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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