Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
