She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
