Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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