he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
