I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
