hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
