apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want to make out with him forever
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
