So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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