It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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