capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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