That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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