Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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