Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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