So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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