Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
