I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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