Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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