So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just found puke in my bra..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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