I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
