Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
